The Pregnant days
by 97chuckles
Summary: Sirius Black and his 'helpful-ness' During Lily's pregnancy. Will Sirius be able to help James through Lily's raging hormones?
1. The beginning

**R&R  
>I don't own harry potter (sadly) enjoy (:<strong>

**~ The Pregant Days ~  
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****James, he's always been my best friend, from the first moment we talked on the train. I love the bloke like a brother, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I always thought our friendship was strong, and that he thought of me in the same way.

Until now.

Why am I doubting this now, you ask?

A pregant Lily, _that's _why. I know, scary stuff. My dear old mate Prongs has given me the _honor_ of being godfather to his child. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't wait for the little snuckims to come along. It's just this, it's an angel being carried by the devil. She even has red hair. She is the reason people say gingers have no souls. And again, don't get me wrong, I love dearest Lily-kins, just not when she's angry, and usually, when James isn't here, it's directed at me. And now, that anger is multiplied by pregancy hormones. _fun_.

And since I'm godfather to their kid, I took it apon myself to make sure everything runs smoothly, so I did what every good bloke would do, I moved in, well _back _in. Me and the happy couple shared an apartment, but then they got married, and I couldn't stand the _thump thump thump_ coming from their room anymore, so I moved out for a while. James still insists it was the washing machine from next door. Well, I don't know about you, but I have never heard _any _washing machine moan. 

And it's times like this, I blame James for my discomfort.

Why am I uncomfortable you ask?

Because I have a crying Lily on my shoulder. Damn James for needing to go to Diagon Alley for some magic baby socks. _Don't ask_.

Another wail brought my attention back to a puffy eyed and runny nosed Lily.

" He's disgusted with me! He doesn't think I'm attractive any more because I'm _fat_! " If I wasn't so uncomfortable right now, I'd actually find that funny.

" Lily, your not fat, your pregant." Duh.

" I know that Sirius! But look at me! I can't even fit into my old bras! And I don't care what James says, my thighs _are _bigger! " _Women_.

" Okay, I know for a fact James like your new big boobs." Why is she complaining about having bigger boobs?

" Then tell me when he wouldn't even have sex with me today! Now that I'm showing he's disgusted! " And with that akward and disgusting image burned into my brain, Lily-kins grabbed my new shirt and wailed into my shoulder.

I akwardly patted her shoulder, while looking around the room for an escape exit. My eyes landed on a wooden spoon in the kitchen. Mabye I could knock her out? Nah, might hurt the baby, and Prongs would crucio me if I hurt either one. Not that I would, but still.

Just then I heard the door open and bang close with a smiling Prongs in the door way. Of course that smile turned into a frown and a glare in my direction when he spotted a blubbering Lily.

" Lily! Lily what's wrong? Is there something wrong with the baby? " James took Lily into his arms, looking frantic.

" What's wrong with her? What happened? " James was torn between looking angry at me for not watching his 'Darling lily' and looking scared, probally for the health of his 'mini Lily' .

" See? I told you! He thinks there's something wrong with me!" She pushed herself away from Prongs and ran into their bedroom.

James gave me a look that said , 'What just happened?'

" It's only just the begining."

**Soooo, What cha' think? :D Please review *puppy pout***


	2. Sandwiches

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long, you may chew out my ass later - now to the STORY!**

**Okay, it's pretty clear I don't own Harry Potter, I'm not that awesome people xD**

Sandwiches. I love sandwiches, who doesn't? They're clean, they're efficent, they're tasty as hell. Until you drop them, but I won't go into that tragic story.

Right now I was looking at my sexy sandwich, who needs a girlfriend when I already have my sandwich?

_Yeh._

"Oh! Sandwich, give me some!" Lily came rushing over to the table trying to grab my sandwich.

"Oh hell no! Back off ginger!" I stood up and held the sandwich over my head out of Lily's reach.

"Give me the god damn sandwich, Sirius!"

"Or what? You gonna' knock me out with your new, and improved boobies?" I continued to hold the sandwich out of her reach, making sure to keep the fillings in. Don't wanna' give her freebies.

"Your such a child, I'm serious!"

"I thought I was Sirius? 'Caause I sure as hell don't wanna' be James with you around, and I don't think I could handle losing my figure, then gaining it back after pregnancy." Lily's green eyes flared with anger, while I just laughed at how funny she looked. 

Lily glanced over my shoulder, smirked at me, then she... cried?

"What the Fu-"

"Lily! What's wrong? Sirius what did you do!"

_Shit._

I turned around to find a confued James in the door way, glaring at me, and looking concerned for the bit- I mean Lily, and the baby.

_Why is it always me?_

"Sirius, Lily's a pregnant woman, she needs the nutrients, so give her the sandwich." I couldn't believe James. Seriously?

"Seriously, Prongs? What happened to 'Bros before Hoes' ?"

_Hah, got ya there._

"It still applies, but Lilys not a hoe." I saw Lily give me a smug smile, and a not so innocent hand gesture.

"She's pregnant! So it still counts!"

_Hah, got you there bitch._

"She's also married, to me, the father." James made a show of pointing out the ring, then to himself. Lily was intently staring at the sandwich still protected by my noble hand.

"Give me the sandwich." Lily was still staring at the sandwich, she didn't even look at me to say the setence.

_Kill her!_

_I will not kill Lily, mother._

_Blood traitor!_

_Child beater._

_Bastard!_

_Skank!_

_Your face!_

_... Did you just insult me with 'Your face' mother?_

_Yes._

_Oh god! this is NOT normal! I shouldn't be hearing your voice!_

_But I'm your inner devil!_

_Then.. who's my angel?_

_You are._

_Well, I dont have a very good angel then!_

_I didn't have a very good son, btu I got over it._

_I know, regules, was FUGLY!_

_Ohhh, Sirius..._

"Sirius?"

"SIRIUS!" James shouted in my ear, Merlin, he has the lungs of a girl... or Lily.

OHH! That was funny! I'll use that later!

"What Prongs?" I glared at james. My ear was sore.

"Lily wanted me to tell you 'Thanks for the sandwich'."

"Oh, she's welcome-"

Wait, what?

I clutched my hand, only to find it empty and in the mouth of ginger.

"NO!"

Lily and James started laughing at me, while the pussy, a,k,a James, rubbed Lily's feet.

"Your lucky I'm the mature person I am."

I'll just steal all their crayons. Vengence shall be mine!

_Hell yeah._

**So, how did ya like it? :3 See? I made it longer! ^^,**

**I'm so prud of myself! Well, you know the drill, review please.**_  
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